Lonely London Lad - My New Policy: 100% Accessibility

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I've read several places that if rock musicians are going to continue to connect with fans in this increasingly fractured music landscape, they will need to be more accessible. Some musicians post twitter updates when they are showering (sometimes rare occurrences), cutting their nails, riding in the tour bus, and so on. Each seems to be trying to be more accessible than the next.

Well, since I have a healthy competitive spirit, I'm going to outdo them all. How? I'm going to be 100% accessible. You see, if I'm totally accessible, then fans will feel a total connection with me. And that's got to be good for the music business.

What is 100% accessibility, exactly?

It means that I no longer have any barriers between myself and my fans. I am becoming Open Source. Nothing about me will be private. I will be so close to you that you may confuse me for yourself.

And when we are one, then you will be the ultimate fan. And when we are one, I will be... you.

I think I just blew your mind. I know I just blew mine.

What does it mean in practice?

I'm installing webcams in every location in the lad pad, and am going to keep them on 24/7. Bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, studio... you name it. I will stream this live data via our web site, and anybody with an Internet connection can tune in.

But that's not all. I'm going to have full-duplex voice on each stream, so my fans will be able to direct my actions. For example, in the shower, let's say I forget to soap my shoulder blade. Since my bathroom will be fully wired for audio and video, any fan will be able to say, "Hey, Lad, you missed the blade, dude. What's up with that?" With my fans constantly at my side, correcting me here, nudging me there, I will be a more perfect person. I will be more lovable.

Or let's say I'm recording a song in my studio. You will be able to interrupt the recording and ask me to substitute lyrics if you don't like the direction I'm going. Let's say I'm singing "In the desert there is no sound" -- and you want me to sing "In the tortilla there is no salsa"... all you have to do is interrupt and teach me the new lyrics.

This will make songwriting and producing a lot more democratic. No longer will I have total control, like some kind of fascist dictator, over the songs we produce. By being 100% accessible, you will have a voice in the process. Indeed, if you think your voice is better than mine, you can just interrupt me and start singing over me. If you want to remove me from the mix entirely, and strip me of any kind of credits at all, that is totally cool. It's not about being a diva, not anymore.

I'm also going to release all my credit card numbers, cell phone numbers, and bank account information (even the Swiss account) -- basically everything that is of any value to me. Everything about me is going Open Source! If you happen to be behind on your rent, just dip into my bank account and take what you need. If you want to get your boyfriend a special something from our Shop, just use my credit cards and put it on the Lad! You're going to love the new me.

But 100% accessibility doesn't stop there. I'm also removing the locks on my doors, firing the bodyguards, donating the guard dogs to Chihuahua Rescue, replacing the electric fence with a row of daisies. My estate will be wide open, just like me. If you want to visit and sleep in my bed, whether or not I am there -- totally cool. If you want to swim laps in my king size bathtub -- surf's up. If you want to help yourself to the organic produce in my Jeffersonian experimental farm, you don't even have to ask. Just help yourself to what I have, to what I grow, to what I am.

There are many roads to the pinnacle of rock stardom. 100% accessibility is going to be mine. That is, ours. My fans and me.

So let's get started... I'm going to fire up the bathroom cam in just a moment, as I'm feeling the urge to go.

See you there!

Cheers,
Open Source LLL