LLLocked Up
Where I met LLL today
I (Nigel) just returned from a horribly long day downtown, and the bad news I have to relate is that the Lad may be incarcerated for quite a while. And don't blame me. It's his own fault, if you ask me -- and I know you didn't ask me, but I'm telling you anyway.
Yes, I balked at the high bail bond, and simply would not pay it. I thought it much too high. After all, he is not yet a mega-star, nor a mega-criminal, and thus legitimately cannot command such fees. But the people down at the county jail are apparently not used to haggling over the bail bond amount, because they threatened to incarcerate ME as well, which I find laughable as I happen to be Oxford-educated (with honors). While all this was taking place (and I did fight for hours for a reduction in the amount), LLL created several problems within the cellblock.
The first problem was that he refused to wear the orange one-piece prison uniform they insisted he wear. He maintained that his current outfit (minus the missing pants) was just fine, and since he wasn't going to be there long, there was no point in changing. They reportedly then tried to force him to change his clothes, he resisted, and a small fight erupted, which LLL lost, as he was not equipped with nightsticks or pepper spray.
Because of this incident, because they considered the Lad as "unarmed and dangerous", they placed him in a cell with hardened criminals.
Before you knew it, one of his cellmates said something nasty about "Buffalo Jump", another of them said it was a masterpiece, and yet another fight broke out. LLL sat this one out on the bunk-bed, but nonetheless was blamed for the whole mess by the guards.
So the Lad is in solitary confinement, on a "watch". It just goes from bad to worse, doesn't it now? And to think it all started with a shirt!
He's feeling a bit down, I imagine, as now he has several charges pending. He now has an "attorney" as they say in America, who has advised me to not divulge too many details. In fact, his exact words were "keep your mouth shut". But what I am at liberty to say is that, in comparison to these new charges, indecent exposure is nothing.
Somehow this all gets me in the mood to hear "Dark Gardens", a Lad classic from the debut double-CD:
But don't worry! I am in control here at Lonely London Lad Records, Inc., and though it is still only my second full day on the job (plus overtime, I might add), I do believe I have risen to the occasion splendidly. I will do my best to keep you, his virtual friends, apprised of his situation.
Should you need anything, do not hesitate to ask. I shall be paying him a visit tomorrow again to lift his spirits up. The Shop remains open, of course, and we will ship all orders out as soon as humanly possible. Please bear with us in this most trying of times.
Yours,
Nigel
Label Manager and acting President, Lonely London Lad Records, Inc.
